February 13, 2012 | Posted in Reflection/Real Stories & Personalities | Post a comment | Share Article |
by Anita Zhu
This is a tale about love, the real experience of a young language teacher. She was disappointed in love and in great emotional pain. She had wanted to talk to me about this, hoping my knowledge of psychology could give her some help. We had made an appointment some time earlier, but nearly two months later, we were still unable to meet.
The last time I called her, she said: "Thank you! I have understood!"
It turned out that she had just come back from Jiuzhaigou. The pain of losing her love was still bothering her then, and she was unable to enjoy the beauty of Jiuzhaigou. But one day, she noticed a little bee gathering nectar on some flowers. In a split second, a thought struck her mind like lightning: "On withered flowers, the bees can only suck the venom."
Of course, a small bee in nature would not "suck venom"; only humans could be so foolish! The bee she witnessed was actually a reflection of herself. In that moment of enlightenment, she suddenly realized the truth about "letting go" what had already withered. Before this, she thought she needed my help to walk away, but in fact, the wings to fly were actually on her own body. As long as she wanted to fly, she could fly.
Letting go is not easy especially letting go of love, which is very painful because basically love is a "duplication" of the parent-child relationship we have forged since our birth. Young children cannot live without their parents. If Mom and Dad completely deny their child, that spells doom for him or her.
Many of us have more or less experienced pain and fear brought about by some form or extent of denial from our father and/or mother. As a result, when we love, we once again experience pain and fear.
However, compared with a parent-child relationship, there is a huge difference between love then and now: when we were a child, we could not do anything independently and our parents made the final decision, but now that we have grown up, we have the power to choose our own destiny. Our childhood is akin to being a young bee with immature wings, but now that we are grown up, we have a pair of powerful wings.
Unfortunately when we fall deeply in love, we tend to regress to a childlike state, forgetting that we have a pair of wings that can fly. Only when we ourselves finally realize that love is no longer the same as in a parent-child relationship, our love will be set free and we will have the power to let go.
However, compared with a parent-child relationship, there is a huge difference between love then and now: when we were a child, we could not do anything independently and our parents made the final decision, but now that we have grown up, we have the power to choose our own destiny. Our childhood is akin to being a young bee with immature wings, but now that we are grown up, we have a pair of powerful wings.
Unfortunately when we fall deeply in love, we tend to regress to a childlike state, forgetting that we have a pair of wings that can fly. Only when we ourselves finally realize that love is no longer the same as in a parent-child relationship, our love will be set free and we will have the power to let go.
Photo credit:
Patou
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p://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=1924
