June 11, 2010 | Posted in Editor's Notes | Post a comment | Share Article |
“You won’t be getting any grandchildren, will you?” the eleven-year-old boy asked me without a hint of embarrassment.
Suppressing any impulsive reaction of the negative kind, I scanned my memory bank for clues to understand the basis of his presumptuous prophecy. The search results pointed to Chinese tradition.
In the Chinese language, the term for paternal grandchildren may be loosely translated as “internal grandchildren”, while maternal grandchildren are known as “external grandchildren” – a derivative of the term “outsiders”. If one mentions grandchildren without specifying whether paternal or maternal, then by default it is the former. (That figures: I have daughters, no sons.)
Since female offspring do not perpetuate the family name after they marry “out of the family”, patriarchal Oriental culture deems them ineligible for an equal share of the family inheritance. In many cases, daughters are not given any share at all.
But in a reversal of fortunes, parents in China are beginning to turn their backs on generations of tradition. When government researchers in Shanghai interviewed almost 3,500 prospective parents, over 12 percent expressed hopes for a boy, compared to more than 15 percent who wanted a girl, albeit for economic and practical reasons. A daughter, they believe, can marry a rich or capable husband who has the means to provide for both his and her families, whereas raising a son amid today’s escalating costs of education and living is a huge financial burden for many.*
Gaining ground in the quest for gender equality should be reassuring news to my daughters who report how some boys in the Chinese vernacular school they attend in Petaling Jaya, openly boast of gender superiority. And to the then naïve nephew of my husband who once thought of me as "Second Aunty, the 'quasi Chinese' who is Grandchildless", the social order has evolved since your candid remark seven years ago. What was once revered as tradition is now increasingly labelled discrimination. The last time I checked, the father of my daughters concurred, “We live in a progressive new era!"
It might be fun to see my future grandchildren’s reaction when I tell them how they were almost discounted into oblivion.
Hurrah for forward thinking fathers who hold their daughters in high esteem and empower them to break barriers and stretch their limits. Fathers play a pivotal role in driving familial paradigm shifts to let go of entrenched traditions that have outlived their purpose.
I’m sure you know at least one deserving father in your life – husband, parent, in-law, brother, cousin, friend – affirm your faith in him/them this Father’s Day. Fathers everywhere, enjoy the universal day that was initiated to celebrate you!
Barbara Tey
Web Editor
*Source: “Chinese parents hope for daughters after glut of sons” by Veronica Chau, Shanghai, cited from the Daily Telegraph UK
